Criticism - The Insidious Saboteur 

A client was recently considering ways in which she could consciously raise her vibrational flow and creative energy so that she could manifest more freely. I asked her if she knew consciously of any behavior that may be sabotaging her efforts. I asked her to consider if she has found herself gossiping or sharing information about another person in a judgmental or disapproving way, I asked her if she made comments to other people that were unloving or in an abrupt manner. As she was considering this and allowing anything to come forward, she exclaimed, "I know what it is! I have been nagging and complaining to my husband. I have been judging his behavior and finding fault with things that I see him do."

I so admired her willingness to live life above the line - and choose to learn from her upsets. So we began by exploring why she is critical and finding fault with her husband and circumstances around her. 

Ah yes, criticism - the insidious saboteur. When we comment on someone else's behavior in a negative way we are giving our power away because at that very moment we are unconscious and projection is operating, we are stuck in the past and our energy is not available to us in the present. By finding fault we then project onto another unhealed issues that we have with ourselves. If we continue to find fault with circumstances and people around us without taking personal responsibility our power and energy leaks and our creative flow is weakened. 

How can you tell when it's a projection rather than a boundary issue? Simply stated, when we have an out-of-balance emotional reaction to another person or situation, followed by judgmental thoughts, these are indicators that projection is taking place. Projection often looks like self-righteousness: "I'm right and they're wrong." 

Blaming others or justifying our upsets based on "becauses" is the way most of us were conditioned. It seems to make sense that others are to blame when we become upset. And it's not that we want to blame others for our disturbance, it's that we've learned that this is the appropriate way to define reality. We literally see the "cause" as something outside ourselves. The alternative approach involves accepting responsibility for our own disturbance and learning to work our process to heal that part inside that's upset.

How, then can we stop being critical of others and take responsibility for our internal environment (thoughts and feelings)?

First, we need to consider that our relationships with others reflect our relationship with ourselves and that the things that we judge or find objectionable in others are potentially indicators of things we do to others, but are not aware of doing. What does that mean?

This means that the person in front of you is mirroring back to you your inner reflection on some level; a detached level because the perception is outside oneself and we are not aware that we are projecting our beliefs onto someone else. 

Or consider that these projections are things we do to ourselves inside, but are not aware of doing. This means that we are verbally commenting to another our feelings and thoughts about ourselves but we are claiming its about their conduct . . . that they're doing something; or possibly reflections having to do with our relationship with God. For me, my idea of the universal wound is separation from God. That on some level we believe there is a “disconnect” from our Source and Creator; that there could even be a space where God did not reside. So when we are being critical it actually appears that someone is doing something wrong.

Or things that we don't do inwardly or outwardly but judge as wrong when others do them because we have yet to make peace with the fact that we are quite capable of doing them given certain conditions. Expressed in the original lie, the belief that we are born sinners and that there could be something evil within ourselves.

When we consider that we are finding fault with the circumstances and people around us due to our own unhealed issues then we are empowered. When we are willing to acknowledge that our discomfort or trigger comes from a mental or emotional imbalance inside of us rather than outside, we are working our process and in the flow with life's purpose: the purpose of healing.

The value of projections is in using them as a signaling mechanism that an opportunity is present for healing by re-owning previously disowned energy; those aspects of ourselves that we have not forgiven.

So, the next time we are finding ourselves being critical and projecting onto others, let's stop and work our process. This is done by exploring the situation on the physical, emotional, mental and self-level and making a time for quiet contemplation.

On the physical level - what happened? What was the triggering event? 

On the emotional level - how do I feel about what happened?  What is my reaction? 

On the mental level - what are my thoughts about this situation? Are any irrational beliefs present? Am I making any judgments and if so what are they? 

On the self-level - am I in the loving?

When you are willing to consider all levels of perception you will uncover the core issue and unhealed wound within. As you continue to take responsibility for your own healing and bring forgiveness and compassion to yourself you are on your way to the mastery of creative living.

Alicia Moreno, Spiritual Life Coach, author and speaker resides in Southern California and may be contacted for personal, spiritual life coaching at 714.744.6506 or by email besacred{at} aol.com