I Thought I met my Soul Mate - But I was Wrong!

Dear Heart Broken,

Accepting the pot of gold beyond the rainbow is not always as easy as we assume it should be. Magic, synchronicity and natural ecstasy color the first few months of beautiful love affairs intensifying our desire for life long happiness with passion, potential and naïve possibility. We fall head over heals in love with the idea of "and they lived happily ever after." Let me clarify - there is nothing wrong with imagining and embracing the dream of complete happiness forever. In fact - the only way to ever experience any kind of ever lasting happiness is to be willing to believe it exists- whether that belief be conscious or unconscious. However, the fallacy of the fairy tale is the assumption that "happiness" in a relationship is defined by the perfect union of two people who never have any problems or disagreements to resolve. Two healthy and whole people who have found each other and have nothing left to heal. 

I believe you may realize there is work to be done or you wouldn't be reaching out for support. The pot of gold still exists. Every relationship has a Divine gift and every relationship has its glory and reward. The glory is the opportunity to heal the life-long issues that haunt you and your relationships; and the reward is the fulfillment of your soul's truest potential for joy. It is true that this may not be your life partner but that does not mean she is not your soul mate. Bowing out before discovering the growth the relationship has to offer will only postpone the healing that is required to experience that life long happiness that we so desperately desire.

Assuming you're willing to grow, let's talk solutions. First, create a space of peaceful acceptance. You must let go of your attachment to the ideal relationship having to be with her while still visualizing what your ideal relationship looks like. You must be completely willing to let her go while at the same time be completely centered on the desire to love fully. I'm not saying, "let her go." I'm saying be "willing" to let her go and maintain your vision of how your ideal relationship would look and feel. Your communication to her may sound something like, "I love you and I am completely willing to let you go if that's what is required for our happiness. I would love to have you in my life if that's what is meant to be but I'm turning this over to God. And my ideal relationship would look like this…."

Second, restore the love. You must release any and all judgements about what's happened as right or wrong and replace these opinions with the decree "This is all part of the Divine plan and somehow perfect!" Look at what this love has brought to you and kindle a sincere sense of gratitude. Your communication would sound like, "I know this is an appointed relationship. I am so grateful for the opportunity to love you and to be a part of your life. Whatever happens is meant to be and I'm sorry that I have judged you. And again my ideal relationship looks like this…" 

Now, ask for input. Say, "If you had your ideal relationship -what would that look like?" Focus on your commitment to grow and be willing to risk exposing yourself to the negative feelings that you've been avoiding. You do not have to agree presently to her input but you do have to accept the input as valuable information necessary for your personal growth. Additionally, know that EVERYTHING another has to say about us is true for them and therefore, MUST be true on some level within us. Ask, "Teach me to love you. Tell me what would help you feel loved in this situation." And again, without judgement accept this input as part of the Divine plan for your growth and be willing to sit with it a while to see and feel how this may or may not be a part of your ideal vision.

With the awareness that you gain you can then choose whether to create anew or simply renew your love.