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We were born with the unlimited potential to intentionally create (use the law of attraction) to manifest all of our heart's desires. Together, as Conscious Leaders guided by the Divine, we have the Mind Power necessary to co-create a sustainable, harmonious, peaceful, and prosperous world. And, we can do this while also attracting and creating a passionate, loving, rich, healthy life with all of our personal dreams fulfilled.
Affirmations Don’t Work for Me. They Only Make me Feel Worse.
Category: Affirmations,emotional freedom technique — Anisa @
Q: But what if affirmations only make me feel worse?
A: If you are reading this then you have a knowing within that
says, “I have untapped potential” and a belief that
resonates with “My thoughts create my reality.” Therefore,
the first order of business is to CHOOSE to BELIEVE there is
a solution to your ‘affirmation’ problem.
“Believing there is a solution paves the way to a solution.”
- Dr. David Schwartz
A Canadian study entitled, “Positive Self-Statements: Power
for Some, Peril for Others” published by Psychological
Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological
Science, suggests some people shouldn’t even bother with
affirmations. (But, there’s NO way I buy that. I’ll
explain why in a moment.)
Here’s a quick excerpt as reported in The Star Phoenix,
“…paradoxically, low self-esteem participants’ moods fared
better when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than
when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative
thoughts.
“One possibility is that, like overly positive praise,
unreasonably positive self-statements, such as, ‘I accept
myself completely,’ can elicit contradictory thoughts,” the
authors wrote.
So, for example, someone who feels deficient in some quality
might repeat the mantra, “I am a lovable person” but really
be thinking “. . . but not as lovable as Chris,” which the
authors argue can make that person feel worse.
“Contrary to popular belief, positive self-statements can be
useless for some people, even though they may benefit
others. They may even backfire, making some people feel
worse rather than better.”
Positive self-statements may remind people that they are not
measuring up to important standards and that they should
only have positive thoughts, said the authors.” -
Drawing the conclusion that ‘affirmations are useless for some people’ if they make them feel bad is similar to a coach saying to the batter, “You feel bad that you struck out? It’s okay, next time just don’t swing.”
If you’ve ever shot a basketball, swung a club, tried to
volley a ball or run a race then you know how bad you feel
when you miss, strike out, or worse, make a fool out of
yourself by falling or running in the wrong direction, etc.
However, there’s never would we imagine a coach saying, “If
it makes you feel bad to miss the play, just don’t try
again!” NOOO! The coach would say, “I know you feel bad.
But, you have to keep trying. Next time, don’t focus on what
you don’t want to do, focus on what you want to do. You’ll
get it, I know you can do it.”
The same goes for positive affirmations. We are not just
saying affirmations to feel better in the moment (although
that’s one intention), we are saying affirmations to
TRANSFORM our minds and thus TRANSFORM our LIVES! That’s why
we have to keeping trying!
Now, what do you do with the negative thoughts that make you
feel bad? You have to get rid of them! I say go ahead and
acknowledge the negative ninny! You know, the voice of the
gatekeeper that is trying to protect you from
disappointment. The one that says, “But, you’re not worth
loving. Don’t kid yourself or you’ll only end up hurt.”
With EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) this is exactly what
we are doing when we say the set-up phrase where we
acknowledge verbally the negative ninny: “Even though I’m
not worthy of love, I love myself anyway!”
As you acknowledge the ‘Ninny’ and command yourself to LOVE
yourself anyway the ‘Ninny’ goes away. Then, by continuing
with the EFT round you can eliminate the negative thoughts that make you feel bad for good.
For example, one of my favorite ways to
get rid of a negative ninny fast is to use the ‘argument’
approach when tapping:
Even though I’m not worth loving, I love myself anyway. And, what if I were worth loving?
IE: I’m not worthy of love
OE: Yes I am.
UE: No I’m not.
BN: What makes you the boss of who’s worthy of love? I am
too worthy of love.
Ch: No, I’m not -look at how many times I’ve been rejected.
That proves it.
CB: That doesn’t prove anything other than those people had
issues with giving love, not me.
UA: I still don’t think I’m worthy of love.
UR: That’s your choice but what if you allowed yourself to
accept that you were worthy of love? What would your life
be like if you accepted this as your truth instead?
CC: Well, I’d be happier. But, I’m afraid to be a fool.
IE: So what. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You
get disappointed? Is that any worse than what you feel
right now?
UE: No. But, I’m still afraid.
BN: So, be afraid but choose to accept that you’re worthy of
love even though you’re afraid….etc.
(Yes… I hear voices! I just try to be mindful when
arguing with myself in public.)
If affirmations make you feel worse, uncover the hidden
negative ninny underneath that is causing you disconnection
and pain. This ‘ninny’ is also likely to be one of the
primary reasons the law of attraction isn’t working for you
either. Once you identify it, take time to use Emotional
Freedom Technique to get rid of it. You’ll know it’s gone
when you can speak the positive affirmation and feel good
about it!
For EFT instructions, visit here. http://www.creatavision.com/manifesting-eft/emotional-freedom.htm
For How to Use EFT & LOA for Manifesting Prosperity, visit here. http://www.ManifestingProsperity.com (watch for upgrade offer.)
For How to Use EFT & LOA to Attract (or ReCreate) Your Ideal Relationship, visit here. http://www.creatavision.com/products/EFT-relationship.htm
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Can vouch for EFT. It reallly does help me and my coaching clients. Thanks for the great post and for reminding us that just thinking positiive thoughts doesn't work all the time unless you deal with contra beliefs.
Comment by Gail Kingston — May 27, 2010 @ 3:37 am
Affirmations will put you on a different path that will reprogram your older program.Out with the old and in with the new. It works if you practice it & Yes it does even if you don't practice it, it is still working. ALWAYS!
Self Esteem Affirmations
Comment by kriza — January 24, 2011 @ 3:06 pm