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We were born with the unlimited potential to intentionally create (use the law of attraction) to manifest all of our heart's desires. Together, as Conscious Leaders guided by the Divine, we have the Mind Power necessary to co-create a sustainable, harmonious, peaceful, and prosperous world.  And, we can do this while also attracting and creating a passionate, loving, rich, healthy life with all of our personal dreams fulfilled.

June 23, 2011

How to Consciously Create When Your Dream Depends on Another

Category: attract relationship,Audios Free Downloads,emotional freedom technique,law of attraction,manifest a mate,Surrogate EFT — Anisa @ 4:57 pm

Q: How to consciously create when your Dream (or Wish) depends on someone else’s cooperation:

Dear Anisa,
I love my husband but I’m not happy. I’m frustrated that he works too much and rarely makes time for us. We talk very little and our once passionate bedroom life is almost non-existent. You might think, “He’s cheating” but that’s not the case. He’s not the cheating type; he wouldn’t have the time or freedom if he were the type and besides I know he loves me too. But, we are both bored and complacent, I suppose. I’ve tried talking until I’m blue in the face, with small progress that seems to backslide within a very short amount of time. My problem is that I’m a pretty good manifestor but I can’t figure this one out! I’ve created a great job making more money than when I was full-time and I’ve lost over 40 pounds (thank you, by the way – I did it and have kept it off for 2 years after taking your EFT & LOA for weight-loss program). I know I did these things with the Law of Attraction… but I’m just stumped now because I don’t know how to create when someone else is involved. How do I get him to want to attend to us? How do I get him to help me bring more fun back into our relationship? – “Shhh!!!” I’m keeping my name a secret for this question. Thanks!

A: Let me start with the bottom-line  – the important caveats:

  • We cannot create in someone else’s life anything they are also not aligned with.
  • We cannot force someone to be aligned with our wish/desire.
  • There’s always a yin/yang – a cost/benefit for every manifestation. (Ex: The sun must go down for the moon to come up and vice-versa.)

The Possibilities:

  • We CAN influence a compromise and create an outcome that is mutually aligned.
  • We CAN fulfill our own needs while maintaining our integrity and honoring our relationships.
  • We CAN re-align and re-frame our ‘happiness’ quotient – allowing greater happiness with less need for external input.

We are either moving towards what we want, or away from it. Learn to analyze which way you’re headed so you can immediately course-correct when needed.

In relationships, picking apart what’s not working, focusing on all the things our partner is doing wrong or obsessing about the things our mate is not doing can become a sick habit. So obsessive and destructive that it can (and often does) destroy the love and kindness that once inspired us to move mountains together. 

A healthy relationship begins with accepting our mate exactly as they are. Love, in its honest and purest form, is unconditional acceptance. From this place of unconditional acceptance, we are poised to leverage the Universal Laws in a very masterful way – but only after we’ve surrendered to what IS as absolutely perfect, in and of itself. 

Let’s address what unconditional acceptance does not mean. Accepting our mate does not mean we are willing to be abused or taken for granted. Full, unconditional acceptance does not mean we are willing to sacrifice our souls and personal dreams/ boundaries/values to be with them, it simply means they get to be who they want to be, without exception; and when they choose to BE unkind or immoral then we get to choose not to be with them, in spite of the fact that we still accept them as a person. 

Thus, accepting your mate exactly as they are is step #1. Any and all judgments that you hold regarding what he is or is not doing must be completely and totally released. All criticisms and resentments must be forgiven, now. Forget about manifesting anything until you’ve completed this step. In fact, as soon as you commit to forgiving, releasing, and accepting him exactly as he is right now, as a perfect child of God, doing the best he can, given who he is and what he knows up until now, you’ll discover there are many things you appreciate about him, right now. You’ll begin to notice the things he’s doing ‘right’ and less of your attention will dwell on what’s wrong. This is a natural by-product of full-force acceptance. 

Once you’ve mastered ‘full-acceptance’ then manifesting greater love, romance, connection, fun, and adventure will be a matter of expansion. Like any other conscious creation, you want to act as if you had it now, in order to manifest it. You want to SEE it and BELIEVE it, now. You want to FOCUS on expanding upon what’s right and wonderful, in order to capitalize on the energy of love that is already flowing and thus re-direct some of that creative force to new adventures and experiences of connection with your mate. 

You want to create a masterpiece of beautiful love and fulfillment in your mind and heart that is so enjoyable, it will naturally manifest externally. 

Launch the visions of love and connection as you desire them, fully willing to detach from the outcome; willing to be happy with or without their manifestation. Then, go about fulfilling your own happiness needs. Gone are the days of depending upon your mate for self-fulfillment. Do you need conversation and connection, re-engage with friends and make new friends. GET those needs met in an honorable fashion elsewhere. Do you need adventure? Choose to take yourself out – enjoy a movie, go for a walk, or plan a vacation. Create adventure with yourself while envisioning the perfect adventure with your mate. 

One primary source of dysfunction in modern relationships is this idea that our mate must fulfill all of our needs to have a happy marriage. It’s a recipe for failure! We all have different social and relational needs; expecting and demanding that our mate meet all of these needs is ridiculous. Re-energize your life by giving yourself permission to have a relationship with yourself and simultaneously increase your social circle by seeking out uplifting friends and engaging activities. 

Now, I realize I’ve shared with you ‘What’ you need to do, but I’ve neglected to share with you ‘How’ to do it. Don’t worry, I don’t plan to leave you hanging! Next week, I will share with you some methods for releasing the old and creating the new. I will share with you a powerful process that will utilize both the law of attraction and Surrogate EFT. In the mean time, make a commitment to begin full-force acceptance now. 

I hold the vision of a renewed, loving and fun relationship for you. It is in fact, the ONLY possibility, now. 

Copyright, 2011 CreataVision Enterprises, Anisa Aven.


Receive Anisa’s FREE Conscious Creation 101: a 5-part e-course on the basics of Manifesting by visiting

Comments (6)

February 2, 2010

Insidious Limiting Beliefs – How to find them and what to do with them

Category: attract relationship,conscious creation,emotional freedom technique,law of attraction,limiting beliefs,manifest a mate — Anisa @ 3:22 pm

With Anisa Aven

Q: “I have a question on breaking down a goal (mine is
getting my soul-mate). How do you know what you should do? I
don’t want to go out in a sense of “panic” like “am I doing
the right thing?” And, then go home perhaps disappointed. Do
you get a “hint” beforehand or what?
– C. San Diego

A: It’s important to understand that if you felt confident
and at ease, then you would not have the question ‘am I
doing the right thing?’ 

Thus, the important issue is what’s causing that question to
come to the surface in the first place?

Do you know what the biggest relationship repellant is? 

I bet you can guess, can’t you?

—> Desperation and Disappointment

Let’s face it.  We’ve felt the creepiness that exudes from
people that are desperate.  There’s a disturbing atmosphere
surrounding them; an unpleasant stench practically transmits
from their very being.  We sense it and are mutually
repulsed by it when they are so worried and desperate for
something that they practically pant with anxiousness and
erratic intensity. 

What’s the picture you get when you think about the

– Try going to a bank for a mortgage loan when you feel
desperate about avoiding homelessness for you and your

– Try taking the BAR exam, again, when you feel desperate
that you must pass or else face complete humiliation and

– Try a new diet and exercise routine when you feel fraught
with the memories of past failures and your high school
reunion coming up.

– Try going to a singles event and at first, confident that
you are putting your best self forward  only to feel the
ticking of your biological clock reverberating within
reminding you with every passing moment that you are one
minute closer to never having a family.

Now, for most reading this article, you’ll think, “That’s
not me.  I don’t reek with desperation.  I might feel a
little worried or anxious at times but who doesn’t?!? I’m
not desperate!?”

My challenge to you is to remember that ANYTHING that pushes
your buttons on ANY level, anything that causes you to
adamantly say ‘That’s not me!,’ is the EXACT negative
emotion and belief insidiously sabotaging your dream. The
real question is not ‘am I doing the right thing’ nor ‘how
will I know?’ but what causes this fear?  What are the
thoughts, fears, and beliefs underneath this question that
make me fearful that I might have to settle for less or
worse, not achieve my dream at all?

Is it something like the following?

I’m afraid I must be doing the wrong thing. And, if I’m
doing it wrong then I will never get it right, never find my
soul-mate, or it’ll take too long.  If it takes too long
then I will be lonely, sad, and pathetic for most of my life
and this is too much to bear.  Maybe, I was just born to be
alone. Maybe, I’m not worthy loving or not deserving of true

You see, I know the thoughts well, because I’ve had plenty
of limiting and fearful thoughts in my past about everything
from ‘will I ever find my true love’ to ‘how will I ever be
successful’ to … well, you get the idea the list goes on and

First, you want to FACE the fearful, negative thoughts.  Dig
them up and look them square in the eye!  What is the worst
thing this says about me, if this ‘fear’ were to come true?

Usually, in addition to the ‘fear of being alone’, ‘fear of
having to settle’, ‘fear of never finding someone to love as
much as you loved your previous lover,’ etc.   Underneath
these surface fears, will be more destructive thoughts and

I’d like to share with you two types of beliefs to look out

First, look for your core beliefs.  Core beliefs are usually
overarching thoughts that are about ‘you as a person’.  They
will be the limiting beliefs that come up repeatedly
throughout your life such as:

– I’m not good enough.

– I’m not smart enough.

– I’m not worthy.

– I do not deserve.

– I’m too stupid, selfish, ugly, fat, etc.

– They were right, I’ll never amount to anything.

– I can’t do it.  There’s something wrong with me.

– I was born deficient.

– I am unlovable (and so many nasty untruths!)

These are the decisions we made long ago when a parent,
teacher, or authority figure said (or didn’t say), did (or
didn’t do) what we needed in that moment to feel lovable,
worthy, valuable, and deserving.  

Guess what?  It’s time to get over it and stop allowing
those nasty moments in our past predict our future
happiness. Now, let’s talk briefly about the second type of
limiting belief.  This one is far more sinister, disguising
itself as our protector.  This second type of limiting
belief is known as the portentous secondary gain.  

Secondary gains are elusive; they are tricky, sly, and
difficult to trap unless you really know where to look.
These are the beliefs that we’ve developed as a means of
protecting ourselves from change, disappointment, pain,
hurt, judgment, responsibility, etc.

Examples of secondary gains:

– I want to lose weight but then I’ll just have to buy new
clothes.  And, since I don’t {fill-in-the-blanks- have the
money – like shopping – want to waste my old wardrobe, etc.]
thus, it’s better to stay overweight than to risk not having
any clothes.

– I want a relationship but then I may have to quit my job
because [fill-in-the-blanks- women don’t like my job, men
don’t want their women traveling, making more money than
they do, etc.} thus, it’s better to stay single than have to
lose my job.

– I want a relationship but what if I {fill-in-the-blanks –
get my heart broken again, am cheated on, end up ruining it
and hating myself, etc.}

– I want to be wealthy but then I may have to {fill-in-the-
blanks: pay my family to stay out of my business, learn
about finance, stocks, bonds, and all that ‘rich-folk’
stuff, deal with people only being my friend because they
want my money, suffer the judgment of my loved ones because
I’m wealthy and they aren’t, etc., etc.}  Thus, it’s better
to stay put, than to risk it.

– I want a new, better job but {fill-in-the-blanks -then
I’ll have to learn something new, I’m too old/tired to
change, will have to work hard again and I need a break,

– I want to let go of my anger but {fill-in-the-blanks – I’m
afraid that there’s far more difficult emotions like sorrow,
shame, or guilt waiting to overtake me if I let go of my
anger, etc.}

– I want to forgive but {fill-in-the-blanks – if I forgive
then it will happen again, it will let them off too easy,
I’ll be a fool, I might let them back into my life again,

Look carefully at ANYTHING that you’ve wanted for a long
time that continues to elude you.  Look carefully at the
benefits to staying put.  I usually ask myself a few
questions about the benefits of staying put, to uncover my
secondary gains. 

For example, if you want a relationship you might ask

– What are the benefits to not having my soul-mate, right

– How does being alone, keep my safe from harm?

– What would be the worst thing that could happen if I had a
relationship?  Is this something I’m worried about? 

– What would I have to give up in order to attend to my

– What’s the price I’d have to pay in order to make room for
a relationship?  Am I afraid that price might not be worth

Dig deep and you’ll find those secondary gains.  You are
sure to find that there are secondary gains preventing your
success all the while pretending to protect you from the
pain of failure, the heartache of loss, or the torture of

Now, once you have your inventory of limiting beliefs – EFT
the heck out of them (use Emotional Freedom Technique to
eliminate each limiting belief)!  That’s the fastest and
most consistent way I’ve used to get rid of the ridiculous
rationalizations we have for sabotaging ourselves. 

Desperation and disappointment are terribly repellant of
your goal; any goal, for that matter.  Therefore, dig a
little deeper than the initial ideas around what makes you
feel anxious or worried.  Discover the REAL reasons you feel
desperate or disappointed, and apply Emotional Freedom
Technique until you feel complete relief. 

Once you’ve done this work, the original question, “How
will I know that I’m doing it right?”
will simply be
obsolete.  In fact, that question will seem entirely
irrelevant as you instead start asking questions like, “How
do I want to show up today that will give me the greatest
  And, “I wonder what adventure spirit has in store for
me today?  I can’t wait!”

This will work – but you do have to do the ‘work’!

Thank you for the honor of supporting you!

Love and light, Anisa Aven

Comments (235)

November 3, 2009

How do I use the law of attraction to manifest someone specific?

Category: attract relationship,law of attraction,manifest a mate — Anisa @ 2:04 pm

How do I manifest someone specific?

The question was:
Q: I know who I want to be in a relationship with. Is it recommended to use their name when doing visualizations? Or should I just imagine that person? I have found the one I want to love and be loved by and now I want to use the law of attraction to create success for us both. How do I do that?

A: Well…
I have several articles I’d like to refer you to:
“How do I attract someone specific?”
When is it okay to manifest someone specific?

In a nutshell… here’s what I suggest on the Video Coaching:
– Do not focus on the specific person. This creates attachment and fear and limited success at best. Instead focus on the essence of what you believe a relationship would be like with someone who has the same qualities you LOVE about this specific person. When you focus on the ‘essence’ and detach from the ‘person’, you allow the Universe to open up thousands of pathways to support your real goal: a loving, harmonious, passionate, stable, and healthy relationship!

– If you are already in a relationship with this person – use their name/image, of course. And, find ways to detach. For example,

“I hold the vision of all that is meant to be as fulfilled now. I hold the vision of that which I desire in a relationship – health, wholeness, harmony, peace, stability, joy, passion, etc. being exactly my experience and I allow for the Divine creation of this between my mate and I now. Therefore, I am willing to be flexible and patient as this unfolds according to both of our Divine Plans. This or something better for the best of all parties involved is happening now. So be it!”

Comments (357)

June 9, 2009

How do I Change HIM so the WE can live happily ever after?

Category: Affirmations,attract relationship,Audios Free Downloads,law of attraction,manifest a mate,Videos — Anisa @ 7:07 pm

Dear Anisa:

“I’m in love with a man who confesses that he has fear of commitment. He’s 38 years old. He has been before in a relationship for 10 years. Then he left her and been in another relationship for 3 years. They got engaged for 1 year then he left her although he was in love with her, saying that there were family issues he couldn’t handle.

We met few months ago and we got along very quickly. He said he’s longing for a serious relationship and for marriage. But at the same time, he keep on telling me that I should work hard to make him fall in love with my body in a way he won’t look at any other woman in the world. He says his fear of commitment is because he craves sexual relationship and that he has a fear of things getting stale and losing interest. That’s why he has a fear of commitment.

I don’t know anymore how to deal with that issue. I like him a lot. We understand each other in so many ways. But I’m longing too for a serious relationship. And I’m afraid that I fall for him more and more and that he leaves me at the end because he can’t commit.

I’ll be grateful for your advice!” – A conscious creator friend

If I were in your shoes, what I’d be thinking is, “I really like this man – how can I get him to change so that we can live happily ever after?” And, if I were your girlfriend, I’d be saying something terribly small-minded like, “What are you nuts?! He’s admitted to being a player?!? He’s even said YOU need to make sure you are perfectly gorgeous so that he’ll never stray!” As your girlfriend, I’d say, “Get out fast! Do not stop at Go! Do not collect $200 – run, run, run, as fast as you can!”

Now, since I’m not supposed to be your ‘girlfriend’ here, let me click into something more aligned with the Universal Truth.

The higher Truth is you two were meant to be together at this time and for a Divine reason. Second, that may or may not mean that you are meant to be together after today but today there’s a higher purpose and plan, so accept what IS as Divinely Ordered. Then, listen to your heart and your inner guidance for your next steps. The Presence of God within you is already speaking to you, softly through your emotions. If it feels ‘wrong’, honor your emotions and ask yourself what you really want to create instead.

As a Conscious Creator, start with accepting him exactly as he is; without any caveats or requirements that he must ever change to meet your needs, wants, or desires. (Yikes! – I know that’s easier said than done! However, if you want to have a chance to ‘create’ a great relationship always start with total detachment and total acceptance of your mate exactly as he is.) Next, put your attention upon the essence of what you really want in a relationship. For example, the following may or may not be on your list…

– loving affection
– intellectual conversation
– joy and adventure
– long-term commitment
– a family oriented relationship excited about having children
– monogamous, passionate sex and romance

On the other hand, some readers here may think about what they want and discover that they are completely okay with loving the relationship exactly as it is because it serves their needs also. They may choose to surrender and give-up outdated ideas about how a relationship ‘should’ be and discover that this is just a wonderful ‘weigh-station’ between two other wonderful ‘weigh-stations’. With the Truth that we are Pure Potentiality, just because we accept something as ‘good enough for today’ does not mean that we have to accept it that way forever.

See Also my Law of Attraction Video-Coaching segment here:

Whatever you choose, remember, you get to create what you really want and your jumping off point is to first – detach and accept, then follow that with your intentions and commands of the Universal Laws.

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